When we perceive ourselves precisely, we will find that we bear an objective source in ourselves. It is not the ego that thinks, feels, does whatever comes to it, that is filled with opinions and judgments, with antipathies and sympathies and is apt to act from stone hard feelings. It is not the ego that wants to feel lust at any cost.
Once there was a time that man thought he had to have a conscience. He thought it to be a higher judging source within himself. Not a God above him – maybe the voice of this God – but an inner presence of order that he saw as being he himself. Of course this inner conscience still exists. But it has become unpopular to have it, to admit that one listens to it. It doesn’t consist of moral principles; it is a flexible feeling ‘afterwards’, something that gives a deep feeling about the value of one’s thoughts, feelings, deeds. It is not felt as someone else judging, it is felt as a judgment of the own I. It is objective; it is the result of judging from a selfless point of view.
Don’t we all have the deep conviction that we can’t be happy when our neighbour is very unhappy, struck by fate? Although we live in a selfish way and even if we only seem to live to gain wealth – there is still someone in the inner life who denunciates that – and the one who does … is also oneself. Even if you criticize everybody around you so that you can be strongly aware of yourself … deep down you know better – and that is who you are yourself. Why should this moral, wise human being that you are, not be convinced of the existence of God and the spirit? Of course you are … but maybe you don’t want to hear your own inner voice anymore…
However, everybody has a judgment about himself. That also may seem to be a selfish feature; one could want to make something of oneself that is impossible. One could then try to keep himself on a level that isn’t his true level. But this is also being perceived and judged by this higher instance and this gives birth to impulses in order to find other ways to handle ‘yourself’.
With some effort, everyone will be able to find this higher and objective I in oneself. It knows the truth, the real beauty and the strength and love – but it doesn’t speak loud enough. It is buried under fashion, trends, knowledge of all sorts – and it will not be dug up. We will have to find a point where it can always be found, by everyone who wants that, without any exception.
An instructive process is doubt. You don’t know what to do – shall I do this, or shall I do that? What is the right decision? If the I were only subjective, it wouldn’t need to doubt. But there is an I that is above parties and that can imagine more possibilities than only one. An animal never doubts, it doesn’t hesitate, it is vigilant, watchful. Doubt is a human quality that is connected with the possibility of an inner difference of opinion. Shall I do this – or should it rather be that? Is this true – or not? If you are desperate there always comes a moment that the desperateness has to give way to certainty.
That is the break-through of the objective I, as it also breaks through in every enlightenment by true understanding – by insight.
The academy of Plato on a mosaic in Pompei.The objective I by Mieke Mosmuller
