Last time I spoke about initiation, and I would like to continue with that this time. One can, of course, really never finish speaking about it. The time in which we live is a very special one when we relate ourselves to initiation, for in our time we can truly decide for ourselves whether we want to follow the path of initiation, and that is really something special. For we must imagine, when we think of ancient times in which there were mysteries where one could be initiated; there the pupils were truly chosen for it, and they had to undergo difficult trials in order to be allowed to remain. The initiation itself was prepared in the school, but when the pupil, male or female, was ready so that the initiation could be carried out, then it was carried out upon the pupils.
Now it is naturally always the case that one does not initiate oneself, but there was, as it were, always a master present who performed the initiation. And when we compare that with our time, then we may now say: The human being chooses himself. And even if he perhaps does this with a bit of overconfidence – that can certainly happen, that one thinks one can do something and in fact cannot do it yet at all – but when that happens, it is not bad either, for every student contributes something to the development of the world. So even when someone begins to walk the path toward initiation with still very few perfections, it is nevertheless so that that one imperfection, which is then transformed into a perfection, brings about a great change in the world.
So that gives us a great deal of courage to truly tread the path in our time. And we can therefore decide for ourselves whether we want that or not. But then it is naturally important that we also more or less know what initiation actually is and what is expected of us, what we should do at the beginning, what we should do on the path, and what ultimately perhaps the real initiation means. One can say that initiation means that one learns to recognize that which has always been there, but which is not recognizable because it remains hidden in the dark depths of the world, remains occult, because it is not possible for the human being in his ordinary consciousness to investigate and endure, with that ordinary consciousness, that which lies hidden in these dark expanses and worlds – that is not possible.
So first a preparation must take place. And precisely the preparation is so important for the world. For what do we do in the preparation? There we purify the soul first, later also the life-body, and ultimately even the physical body. And this purification is of the greatest importance for progress in the world, not only for ourselves, but one can truly say that every step taken by human beings whereby an imperfection is overcome is an immense force. And if we believed that, then, I think, many people would take up the path toward initiation. But people think that it is difficult, or boring, or perhaps forbidden, or unnecessary, or dangerous. But we can overcome these misunderstandings by getting to know the initiation paths that Rudolf Steiner has shown.
For these paths are precisely suited to allow the human being who has chosen himself to go the path without danger and without all those fears that one has concerning initiation. And is it not something that at some point occurs in every human life, that one must admit – perhaps not always fully consciously, but still must admit – that of what outer life has to offer, one actually has, I will not say enough, but that it more or less suffices, and that one actually expects something more from life than what outer life has to offer. And then we see in the world that people seek ever more complicated ways to satisfy this need.
What can one not seek in the outer world that again gives new excitement. I do not need to list it. One can very well think for oneself what we have in our time in order to satisfy our needs for something different. But actually all these needs are needs springing from that one longing, truly, for that realm in the dark expanses of the occult. One feels in our time – and I believe that every human being has this – one feels the spirit, one just cannot know what this sensing actually is. And the spirit calls out to us in a loud voice: Seek me, I will find you. We hear that, but the interpretation we have is not correct. We then make journeys to far-off countries, or we jump down from mountains, or we climb mountains upward and then stand on a dizzying summit, or something like that.
These are all outer boundaries to the spirit. And there it actually stops. One has that also in knowledge. One can go further and further in knowledge and have the feeling that there is never an end to what can be researched. But deep down in the soul one knows that this end exists, and that one has in fact long since reached this boundary, and that even a hunger for knowledge lives at this boundary, and that we feel deep in our soul: I have such a great longing for the world of the spirit. But at the same time this world of the spirit gives me so much fear. I do not dare to begin with it. I would not even know where to go. Of course there are all kinds of institutes and schools and masters and perhaps initiates who say they are such.
But I do not want to give myself over to them. For what then? And when, in this way or that, I then find anthroposophy, then it depends entirely on my karma whether I say yes to it when I take in content, when I attend gatherings, perhaps lectures, or whether I say: oh no, I do not want that at all. So on the one hand we have in our time the possibility to seek initiation independently – and I am convinced that this is alive as a deep longing in almost all human beings. On the other hand there is so much working against it that many people do not even come to the idea that initiation exists. Where does one hear of it? Not in school. Perhaps in the Waldorf school, there something about the initiatory paths of the past is indeed said.
Perhaps here and there reference is also made to present-day situations. But actually this is not such a priority for very young people. Only when one is older and has tasted life and knows what exists in the world, yes then, then this longing comes, which grows and comes into bloom. And if then something of warmth and sun does not come, through which the blossom can also bear fruit, then everything shrivels together, and this redemption that one does find when one discovers that the outer world is not limited as we experience it, but that the outer world reaches up to a boundary, is actually not present in life. And we ought to be supple enough to feel at this boundary: Here something else is possible than what I have experienced up to now. And I could now slowly learn to satisfy this longing living deep within me, if I repeatedly hear within myself that I have so much longing for the spirit. And what is then actually the first step when one wishes to transform oneself, so that one day the point of perfection of the soul is reached, upon which one becomes worthy to behold the spiritual world? What should we do? The first thing we should do is become aware that we have a number of imperfections and that it is very, very difficult to transform these. However, it would be sufficient at first to seriously recognize one real imperfection and then resolve to transform it into a positive quality. I remember that we used to do that on New Year’s Eve. It was more or less a habit that on New Year’s Eve one made resolutions for the new year. That was of course often: I will not drink alcohol anymore or I will not smoke anymore. And after two or three days that was then lost again. But it could also be that one truly wanted to reflect on what my actual imperfections are, and then transform them. That is actually the very first step. That is what we should above all desire: only one imperfection. And not remove this imperfection, for then it takes on another form, but transform it into a positive quality. That is the first step on the path to initiation.
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Mieke does not visit the Goetheanum at night.
Mieke is free.
Initiation is not free.
Mieke is becoming not free.
She understands what she is becoming.
Her will shows it to the world.
My heart thinks.
Friends wait for her with love,
This is free.